HOLD ON TO ME by Karen Grey

Author:Karen Grey [Grey, Karen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781737038382
Publisher: HOME COOKED BOOKS

HELEN

Despite the fact that we don’t fall asleep until late, I wake up at three o’clock in the morning. Like I usually do. It’s always a crapshoot whether I’ll get back to sleep, but tonight, with no bookkeeping to go over in my head, my odds don’t look good.

I do have to pee, so I get up and find my way to the bathroom without turning on the lights, walking a little bowlegged as I do. It’s been a while since my last sexual escapade, but even then, I don’t think I’ve ever had sex three times in one day. When I’m done, I tiptoe to the kitchen to get some water.

As I creep back toward the bed, Sully begins to thrash under the covers. A strangled moan sounds from behind closed lips, so full of pain it echoes in my heart. Not sure if I should wake him—I always forget whether it’s sleepwalking or nightmares you’re not supposed to disrupt, if either—I get close enough to stop him if it looks like he’s in danger of hurting himself.

Just when it gets to the point that I can’t stand watching him anymore, he sits up abruptly, gasping for air.

“Sully,” I whisper.

He turns to face me, eyes wide.

“It’s okay. You were dreaming.”

“I—I… I was dreaming,” he repeats.

Crawling onto the bed, I lay a hand on his forearm and give it a gentle squeeze. He shakes his head and shudders, like a dog shaking water off its coat. Gradually, his breathing slows, and he clears his throat.

I give him the glass of water I just filled before sliding under the covers next to him.

“Do you… want to tell me about it?”

He doesn’t say anything for several long moments, so I add, “Or we could just try and go back to sleep.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

“You didn’t. I was up”—I twirl a hand in the direction of the bathroom—“taking care of business.”

His hand drops, and he turns to me, blinking with obvious confusion. “You were working?”

I give him a playful slap. “No, dummy, it’s a euphemism. I was peeing.”

He rubs his face, laughing hollowly. “Ugh. Not really here.”

After taking the water glass and setting it back on the nightstand, I lie down on my side facing him.

His focus is elsewhere, his eyes staring into space. Just as my own start to flutter closed, he says, “You don’t seem like a pet kind of person.”

I’m pretty sure I didn’t fall asleep and miss half of a conversation, but I can’t say for sure, so I ignore what seems like a total non sequitur. “Um… I haven’t been for a long time. My schedule’s too crazy. But I had a cat growing up and… she was important to me.”

I won’t share how my dad used to threaten to poison the cat, or dropkick the cat out the back door, or wring its neck. Not for anything the cat did. It was just another way to get at me and my mom.

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